I thought NoFap would change my life.
The movement promised mental clarity, higher energy, and mastery over my desires. The testimonials were inspiring: men claiming they had conquered their sexual urges and unlocked their potential. I wanted that transformation too.
So, I dove in headfirst. No sex. No masturbation. No porn. For 90 days.
What I didn’t expect was how those 90 days would consume me. Instead of control, I found obsession. Instead of freedom, I felt trapped. By the end of the challenge, I was more miserable than I’d ever been.
Let me take you through my journey. I’ll share what went wrong, why I felt so lost, and the lessons I learned that finally brought me peace—not through suppression, but through transformation.
2. The Promise of NoFap
Why I Thought NoFap Was the Answer
At the start of the challenge, I was filled with optimism. The idea of abstaining from sexual indulgence felt noble, even spiritual. I was inspired by ancient teachings that emphasized the power of Virya—the life force contained in semen. Our scriptures spoke of great yogis and sages who had achieved extraordinary feats by mastering their desires and retaining their energy.
On top of that, modern science seemed to back it up. NoFap advocates claimed benefits like:
- Increased testosterone and stamina.
- Improved focus and productivity.
- Enhanced creativity and confidence.
I imagined myself becoming unstoppable—a man fully in control of his life.
Curious about the science behind these claims? Explore The Shocking Science Behind Semen Retention for insights into energy mastery.
The High Expectations
I believed NoFap would make me more than I was. As a spiritual seeker, I saw it as a way to deepen my connection to Lord Shiva and prepare for my pilgrimage to Kailash. On a personal level, I thought it would help me become a better husband, father, and professional.
The challenge felt like a perfect test of discipline.
If I could conquer this one thing—this primal urge—I believed I could conquer anything.
3. The Struggle Begins
When the Challenge Became an Obsession
At first, NoFap felt empowering. The initial days were marked by a sense of pride and determination. “I’m doing this,” I thought to myself, convinced that each passing day was a victory.
But as the first month unfolded, the cracks began to show.
Month 1: The First Signs of Struggle
I became hyper-aware of triggers everywhere. A quick scroll through social media, a perfume ad on TV, or the sight of a woman walking past me—all of it set my mind racing. I started avoiding eye contact with women, not out of respect, but out of fear that my thoughts would betray me.
Even my sleep wasn’t safe. Wet dreams became frequent, leaving me waking up frustrated and defeated. I tried to fight back by pacing the terrace in the cold night air, desperate to suppress the urges rising within me. The harder I resisted, the stronger they grew.
Month 2: The Hypersexuality Spiral
By the second month, the battle intensified. Every woman who crossed my path wasn’t just a person anymore; she was a trigger. The curve of a collarbone, the glimpse of a neckline, even a fleeting scent—everything made my head turn.
I remember sitting down to watch a lighthearted cartoon movie one evening, hoping to escape the turmoil in my mind. The film had nothing remotely sexual in it, but it didn’t matter. I found myself aroused anyway, my imagination filling in gaps that didn’t exist.
The frustration consumed me. Every moment felt like a test of willpower, and I was failing.
Curious why rigid abstinence can amplify desire instead of reducing it? Learn why balance matters in Why Abstinence is Overrated—and What Works Better.
A Burning Coal Under My Skin
NoFap wasn’t liberating me. It was chaining me to an obsession. Every passing day felt like a slow, torturous build-up. It was as if I had suppressed a burning coal under my skin, and the heat was growing unbearable.
I thought I was purifying myself, but the truth was harder to admit: I was more preoccupied with sex than ever before.
4. The Social Toll
Judgment and Superiority
NoFap didn’t just affect my relationship with myself—it started to shape how I saw other people. I became judgmental, especially of those who didn’t follow the same path.
One moment stands out vividly. At work, a coworker confided in me during a casual conversation. His wife had recently given birth, and with no intimacy in their relationship during that time, he admitted to masturbating to stay calm.
I remember my reaction. I looked at him, trying to mask my disdain but feeling it surge within me. “What a loser,” I thought. Here I was, suppressing every urge, enduring sleepless nights and cold terrace walks, and this guy was just… giving in.
In that moment, I felt superior to him—like my struggle made me better. But deep down, I wasn’t at peace. I was miserable.
Looking back, I can see how wrong I was. He wasn’t weak; he was honest. He was doing what he needed to cope, while I was consumed by an obsession that made me feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Curious why rigid practices often lead to isolation and judgment? Check out What NoFap Gets Right—and Where It Fails Miserably to learn more.
The Bubble of Isolation
As the challenge went on, I noticed how isolated I’d become—not just from others, but from myself. NoFap had created a divide between me and the world around me.
- I started avoiding conversations with coworkers, fearing they’d mention something that would trigger my judgment or desires.
- I distanced myself from friends who seemed more relaxed about their sexuality. Their openness felt like a threat to my fragile sense of control.
Every interaction felt like a reminder of what I couldn’t have. I wasn’t just abstaining from sexual release—I was abstaining from life itself.
The loneliness was suffocating. NoFap had promised me mastery, but all it gave me was misery.
5. The Breaking Point
When NoFap Consumed My Life
By the third month, my life revolved around one thing: not fapping. What began as a challenge to improve myself had taken over every waking thought.
I had convinced myself that I was doing this to master my desires, but in reality, my desires were mastering me. Every interaction, every activity, every quiet moment was dominated by the effort to resist. It wasn’t freedom—it was obsession.
Hyper-Awareness of Triggers
Simple, everyday moments became unbearable. A casual glance at a woman on the street felt like a battle. Passing by lingerie advertisements in a mall felt like walking through fire. Even sitting at home alone wasn’t safe—my imagination turned every thought into a temptation.
The cartoon movie incident still haunts me. There was nothing remotely sexual in it, but my mind was so starved, so desperate for any outlet, that even the innocence of animated characters triggered me. I wasn’t watching a movie—I was fighting a war in my head.
The Night Walks
The nights were the hardest. Wet dreams became frequent, and each one felt like a failure. The idea of losing my semen—even involuntarily—was unbearable. I would wake up, heart pounding, and immediately jump out of bed to pace the terrace. The cold air was my only weapon against the surge of arousal.
But no matter how far I walked or how long I stayed awake, the frustration wouldn’t go away. The more I resisted, the more it consumed me.
The Realization
One morning, after another sleepless night, I sat on my bed, exhausted. I stared at my reflection and asked myself a question I had been avoiding for weeks:
“Why am I doing this?”
At first, the answer seemed obvious: “To grow. To master myself. To become better.” But as I dug deeper, I realized the truth: NoFap wasn’t making me better. It was making me bitter.
I wasn’t mastering my sexuality—I was suppressing it. And in doing so, I had become obsessed, judgmental, and miserable.
That morning, I made a decision. I was done with rigid rules and unrealistic expectations. I needed a new approach—something that wouldn’t chain me to obsession but would liberate me through understanding and transformation.
Curious why suppression fails and transformation succeeds? Explore Why Abstinence is Overrated—and What Works Better to see how balance leads to true freedom.
6. The Lesson: Why Transformation is Better Than Suppression
Reframing the Problem
That morning of realization marked a turning point. For 90 days, I had treated my sexuality as the enemy, something to be fought and defeated. But that approach wasn’t working—it was tearing me apart.
I realized the problem wasn’t my desires. The problem was how I was handling them. Suppressing my urges didn’t make them go away; it made them stronger. What I needed wasn’t suppression—I needed transformation.
Discovering Virya Laabh
Not long after, I stumbled upon a teaching that completely redefined my approach to sexual energy: Virya Laabh, an ancient Indian practice rooted in conserving and transmuting sexual energy.
Unlike NoFap, which focuses on abstinence, Virya Laabh taught me that sexual energy is not something to avoid or fear—it’s something to harness and channel. The idea wasn’t to reject pleasure but to engage with it mindfully, using techniques to retain the energy that comes with arousal.
The Three Pillars of Transformation
1. Retention Over Suppression
Retention isn’t about rigid self-denial. It’s about conscious control—choosing when and how to engage with your desires in a way that fuels your growth instead of draining you.
2. Energy Transmutation
Through practices like visualization and mindful breathing, I learned to redirect my sexual energy upward, fueling my creativity, focus, and spiritual connection. This shift turned what was once a source of guilt into a source of power.
3. Pleasure with Purpose
The most revolutionary part of Virya Laabh was its perspective on pleasure. Instead of avoiding it, I learned to elongate and refine it, turning moments of arousal into opportunities for connection—with myself, with my partner, and with something far greater.
Curious how this approach works? Dive into From Shame to Superpower: The ProFap Method Explained to understand how transformation unlocks your potential.
The Path Forward
This wasn’t an overnight fix—it was a journey. But the difference was undeniable. As I began to embrace these practices, the obsession that had consumed me during NoFap started to fade.
- I felt lighter, more in control of my energy.
- My relationships improved as I stopped projecting my frustrations onto others.
- My meditations deepened, bringing me closer to the peace I had been searching for all along.
I wasn’t suppressing myself anymore—I was mastering myself.
7. Freedom Over Obsession
Why Mastery Beats Misery
Looking back, my 90-day NoFap journey taught me one invaluable lesson: suppression is not the answer. While I started with the hope of mastering my desires, I ended up consumed by them.
True mastery isn’t about fighting yourself—it’s about understanding yourself. Your sexual energy isn’t a problem; it’s a resource. The key is learning how to channel it, refine it, and transform it into something that empowers every area of your life.
With practices like Virya Laabh, I found a way to embrace my desires without being controlled by them. This wasn’t about rejecting pleasure; it was about redefining it. It allowed me to let go of the guilt, obsession, and frustration that had plagued me and finally experience freedom.
Do You Relate to My Journey?
If my story resonates with you, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve tried NoFap yourself and found that it left you frustrated, obsessed, or even more disconnected. Or maybe you’re struggling with guilt, shame, or cycles of indulgence and regret.
Whatever your experience, know this: there’s another way. A smarter way.
That’s why I created ProFap: The Smarter Way to Fap, a system designed to transform how you engage with your sexual energy.
- No more guilt.
- No more endless suppression.
- No more wasted energy.
ProFap is about learning how to fap smarter, not harder—harnessing your energy to fuel your life instead of letting it drain you.
Get Started—For Free
To help you take the first step, I’m offering you the first two chapters of my book, ProFap, completely free. These chapters will show you:
- How to shift your mindset from shame to empowerment.
- The basics of Virya Laabh and how to start using your energy effectively.
Download the first two chapters here
Your Journey Awaits
Freedom isn’t about what you avoid—it’s about what you create. Your energy isn’t your enemy—it’s your greatest ally.
If you’re ready to stop fighting yourself and start harnessing your potential, take the first step today.
Start your journey now with ProFap: The Smarter Way to Fap.