For years, I lived two lives.
By day, I was the disciplined banker, juggling spreadsheets and deadlines with mechanical precision. But when the night came, I found myself trapped in a cycle—one I couldn’t seem to escape.
Pleasure. Guilt. Frustration.
Every night, I promised myself it would be the last time. Every morning, I woke up feeling powerless.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been there too. The shame that lingers. The questions that keep you up at night. The cycle that seems unbreakable.
Let me tell you something: I’ve been where you are.
This isn’t just a system I created—it’s a path I’ve walked myself. And while my story might start with guilt and frustration, it ends with transformation.
Because here’s the truth: your desires aren’t the problem—they’re the key. The energy you’ve been losing can be transformed, mastered, and used to fuel every part of your life.
Curious how? Let’s start from the beginning.
The Struggles of a Chronic Fapper
Caught in the Loop: A Personal Story
It all began during a time I thought would be my most focused and disciplined phase. My wife, pregnant with our second child, had returned to her hometown. For the first time in years, I was alone.
I saw this solitude as an opportunity to elevate my spiritual practice. As a devotee of Lord Shiva and a seeker drawn to meditation and yoga, I decided to take my discipline to the next level: I vowed to embrace Brahmacharya—complete abstinence from all sexual indulgence.
No sex.
No porn.
No masturbation.
This was my chance, I thought. If I can master this, my spiritual journey will reach unimaginable heights.
At first, I felt empowered. I believed my willpower would carry me through. But then the nights grew longer, and my desires grew stronger.
Porn became my escape. The actresses on the screen weren’t just bodies to me—they were companions in my solitude. I was drawn to their giggles, their smiles, the freedom with which they expressed their sexuality.
But when the night ended, the mornings came, and so did the guilt.
I’d sit on my meditation cushion, trying to focus, but shame clouded my mind:
What are you doing?
You’re supposed to be preparing for Kailash, for Shiva himself. How can you look him in the eye?
Every fap felt like a loss—like I was giving in to my compulsions instead of rising above them.
The cycle drained me. Physically, I felt lethargic and uninspired. Emotionally, I was weighed down by frustration and guilt. Spiritually, I felt disconnected from the higher states I once experienced in meditation.
It wasn’t just my energy I was losing—it was my confidence, my focus, and my sense of purpose.
Curious about how this energy drain affects your life too? Dive deeper into The Real Reason Men Feel Drained After Masturbation to uncover the hidden costs of compulsion.
The Day Everything Changed
The cycle of guilt and frustration continued for months, leaving me drained and questioning my own willpower. I felt stuck, as if I was living a double life. During the day, I was the disciplined professional; by night, I was a man caught in the grip of his desires.
Then one day, something extraordinary happened.
It wasn’t planned. I wasn’t searching for answers, and I certainly wasn’t looking for someone to tell me it was okay to fap. But in a fleeting moment, while browsing videos on energy mastery, I stumbled upon a teaching by Guru Pashupati, a fellow devotee of Lord Shiva.
His words struck me like lightning:
“It’s not your sexuality that’s the problem—it’s what you’re doing with it. Your sexual energy is not something to suppress—it’s something to transform.”
It was as if Lord Shiva himself was speaking through this guru. For the first time, I realized that my desires weren’t my enemy—they were my fuel.
A New Perspective: Critiquing NoFap
What Guruji said next completely shattered my understanding of abstinence:
“Abstinence isn’t mastery. NoFap can leave you so horny and miserable that it consumes you. That’s not freedom—that’s suffering.”
He explained how the rigid rules of NoFap often do more harm than good:
- Frustration and Guilt: Suppressing natural desires only deepens feelings of alienation and shame.
- Energy Mismanagement: Without a way to channel sexual energy, it stagnates or bursts out in unhealthy ways.
- Obsessive Extremes: Many who embrace strict abstinence overcompensate, developing peculiar habits or unhealthy coping mechanisms to fill the void left by suppression.
This hit home for me. I had believed that total abstinence was the only way to regain control, but now I saw the cracks in that approach. Suppression had left me drained, frustrated, and disconnected from my own vitality.
Curious about the pitfalls of strict abstinence? Explore What NoFap Gets Right—and Where It Fails Miserably to learn why abstinence isn’t the full solution.
Discovering Virya Laabh
Guru Pashupati introduced me to an ancient practice called Virya Laabh, a Sanskrit term meaning “gaining through energy retention.” This wasn’t about avoiding pleasure—it was about conserving and transforming my life force energy, or Virya, into a source of personal power.
He explained it simply:
- “You can enjoy pleasure as often as you like, as long as you do it the right way.”
- “Sexuality isn’t an obstacle—it’s a gift to refine and elongate.”
I was skeptical at first. Could something so simple truly redefine how I engaged with my own energy?
But then he broke it down for me:
- Boost Testosterone Levels: Retaining Virya helps increase energy and vitality.
- Increase Stamina: Channel your energy for physical and emotional endurance.
- Become a Better Lover: Harness your energy to deepen intimacy and connection.
This wasn’t suppression. This was transformation.
Curious about how this energy mastery works? Check out The ProFap Revolution: Masturbate Smarter, Not Harder to learn how this method can change your life.
Transforming Guilt Into a Superpower
With Guru Pashupati’s teachings, I began to see my sexual energy not as something to fight against, but as something to refine. This wasn’t about quitting—it was about evolving. I finally had a framework to turn my struggles into strength, and I want to share the steps that transformed my life.
Step 1: Breaking the Cycle
The first step was awareness. I stopped labeling my desires as “bad” or “wrong” and instead focused on understanding them. By observing my patterns without judgment, I could begin to interrupt the loop of compulsion and guilt.
This small but profound shift broke the cycle that had kept me stuck. If you’ve struggled with self-judgment, I encourage you to read Why Masturbation Isn’t the Enemy—Guilt Is to reframe how you view your desires.
Step 2: Embracing Virya Laabh
I started practicing retention using the principles of Virya Laabh. This wasn’t about suppressing pleasure but conserving energy through conscious practices like edging and non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Each time I retained, I felt a surge of energy, mental clarity, and focus that carried over into every area of my life. I could feel the shift—it wasn’t just physical; it was deeply emotional and spiritual.
Curious how this works? Explore How Retaining Your Energy Unlocks Hidden Potential to learn more about channeling your sexual energy.
Step 3: Reframing Sexuality as a Gift
The final step was a change in perspective. I no longer saw my sexuality as a source of shame. Instead, I treated it as a gift—a source of power that, when cultivated, could enhance every aspect of my life.
As Guru Pashupati said, “Sexuality isn’t an obstacle—it’s a tool for growth.” And when I started treating it that way, my relationship with myself and my energy transformed completely.
This philosophy is at the heart of the ProFap Method. Learn how to apply it in From Shame to Superpower: The ProFap Method Explained.
What I Gained By Mastering My Energy
The results were undeniable. Within weeks of practicing Virya Laabh, my energy levels soared, my focus sharpened, and my confidence grew. Here’s what changed:
- Stamina: I could cycle three times the distance I could before.
- Mental Clarity: Meditation became pure bliss, free from the fog of guilt and shame.
- Emotional Resilience: I replaced anger and frustration with gratitude and inner strength.
- Spiritual Connection: My devotion to Lord Shiva deepened, as if his energy was coursing through me.
These weren’t fleeting benefits—they were lasting transformations.
Want to experience this kind of change for yourself? Start your journey with The ProFap Revolution: Masturbate Smarter, Not Harder.
Turning Guilt Into Greatness
My journey from guilt to power wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. What I’ve learned is that transformation isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.
If I could turn my struggles into strength, so can you. ProFap isn’t just a method—it’s a movement of men reclaiming their energy and rewriting their stories.
Your Next Step
You’ve already taken the first step by seeking answers. Now, it’s time to take action:
- Start small—observe your patterns without judgment.
- Explore retention practices like edging to conserve energy.
- Reframe your sexuality as a source of power, not shame.
Ready to transform your life? Dive deeper into From Shame to Superpower: The ProFap Method Explained to discover how you can reclaim your energy and unlock your full potential.
Your transformation begins today.