I never thought I’d call myself a porn addict.
The word felt heavy, shameful, like a label for someone else—not me. But the truth was inescapable. I was trapped in a cycle I couldn’t break. Night after night, I’d turn to the screen for comfort, chasing the temporary high of pleasure, only to wake up feeling hollow and defeated.
If you’ve been there too, you know the struggle. The guilt. The frustration. The endless promise to yourself: This is the last time.
But let me tell you something you might not believe right now.
Your desires aren’t the problem—they’re the key.
The energy you’ve been losing can be transformed, mastered, and used to fuel every part of your life.
And now, I want to share something personal with you.
Because the truth is, this isn’t just a system I created.
It’s a path I’ve walked myself.
I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the same guilt, the same frustration, and the same questions that keep you up at night.
Let me take you back to where it all began.
2. The Struggle: The Addictive Cycle
When Porn Became My Escape
By profession, I’m a banker—a world of numbers, deadlines, and relentless problem-solving. On the surface, I lived a disciplined life. But behind that exterior was another side of me, a side that struggled in silence.
My wife, pregnant with our second child, left for her hometown to be with her family. For the first time in years, I was alone. It was an opportunity, I thought—a chance to deepen my spiritual practices, to embrace Brahmacharya, and to master the ancient Indian practice of semen retention.
But things didn’t go as planned.
The nights were long and empty, and loneliness crept in like an old, unwelcome guest. Instead of meditating, I turned to porn. At first, it felt harmless, even comforting. But it didn’t stop there.
Porn became my escape.
It wasn’t just the physical act—it was the smiles, the laughter, the way the women on the screen expressed their sexuality so freely. It was intoxicating. But every night ended the same way: with shame.
The Dopamine Trap
What I didn’t understand then was how porn was rewiring my brain. Watching porn floods your brain with dopamine, the chemical responsible for pleasure and reward. It feels amazing in the moment. But the more you indulge, the more your brain craves higher levels of stimulation. Over time, this creates a feedback loop:
- Watch.
- Feel the high.
- Crash.
- Repeat.
I was stuck in this loop, unable to escape. And every morning, when I sat down to meditate, the shame followed me like a shadow.
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Porn, Guilt, and Lost Potential: The Hidden Cost of Every Scroll dives deeper into how this cycle robs us of our energy and focus.
The Guilt and Shame
Every time I gave in, I told myself it was the last time. But it wasn’t. The guilt was relentless.
I’d sit on my meditation cushion, staring at the idol of Lord Shiva, and feel like a failure. I wasn’t just letting myself down; I felt like I was betraying my spiritual path. My inner dialogue was brutal:
- “Spiritual people don’t do this.”
- “How can you call yourself a devotee when you’re stuck in this cycle?”
- “You’re preparing for Kailash, Shiva’s sacred abode, and you can’t even control yourself?”
The more I tried to suppress my desires, the more they controlled me.
Curious why suppression often backfires? Learn how breaking free requires a shift in perspective in Why Quitting Porn Alone Won’t Fix Your Energy Issues.
3. The Turning Point: Confronting the Truth
Hitting Rock Bottom and Finding a New Way
The cycle had me completely trapped—one moment I was indulging, and the next, I was drowning in guilt. My energy felt scattered, my focus diminished, and my spiritual aspirations seemed like a distant dream.
I vividly remember one particular morning after a night of indulgence. I sat on my meditation cushion, weighed down by shame, staring at the idol of Lord Shiva. I couldn’t bring myself to chant or meditate. My mind kept replaying the question:
“What are you doing?”
I had convinced myself that I was on a path of spiritual growth, preparing for my pilgrimage to Kailash, Shiva’s sacred abode. But how could I possibly look Shiva in the eye when I couldn’t even conquer my own compulsions?
It was a breaking point. I realized something had to change.
The Failed Attempt at Abstinence
At first, I thought the answer was abstinence. Total, rigid self-control. I vowed to embrace Brahmacharya:
- No sex.
- No masturbation.
- No porn.
For a few days, it felt empowering. I believed I was finally in control. But the longer I resisted, the stronger my urges became. The tidal wave of desire returned with full force.
Nights turned restless. The more I tried to suppress my sexuality, the more it consumed me.
And then, I relapsed.
It wasn’t just a physical release—it was a crushing blow to my confidence. The guilt and shame came rushing back, heavier than before. My mind was filled with questions:
“Why is this so hard? Why can’t I master this?”
What I didn’t know then was that suppression wasn’t the solution—it was the problem.
Curious why abstinence alone often backfires? Explore What NoFap Gets Right—and Where It Fails Miserably to understand why suppression isn’t enough.
The Guru’s Wisdom: Discovering a New Path
In my frustration, I turned to the internet for answers, searching for anything that could help me make sense of my struggle. That’s when I stumbled upon a video by Guru Pashupati, a fellow devotee of Lord Shiva.
His words hit me like lightning:
“It’s not your sexuality that’s the problem. It’s what you’re doing with it. Your sexual energy is not something to suppress—it’s something to transform.”
For the first time, I began to see my desires differently. They weren’t my enemy. They were my fuel.
But Guru Pashupati didn’t stop there. He criticized the NoFap movement, calling out its flaws:
- Frustration and Guilt: Suppressing natural desires only leads to more shame and alienation.
- Energy Mismanagement: Without a way to channel sexual energy, it stagnates or erupts in unhealthy ways.
- Obsessive Extremes: Rigid abstinence often creates an unhealthy fixation on the very thing you’re trying to avoid.
This perspective shifted everything for me. I realized that mastery wasn’t about saying no to my sexuality—it was about saying yes to transformation.
Introducing Virya Laabh
Guru Pashupati introduced me to the ancient Indian practice of Virya Laabh, a method focused on retaining and transmuting sexual energy rather than suppressing it. He explained that:
- Retaining Virya (life force) builds vitality and strength.
- Sexual energy, when conserved, can fuel physical, mental, and spiritual growth.
- Pleasure isn’t the problem; it’s how you engage with it that matters.
He said something I’ll never forget:
“Sexuality is a gift from nature. The goal isn’t to avoid it but to refine it, to elongate and transform it into a tool for growth.”
This wasn’t abstinence. This wasn’t suppression. This was evolution.
Skeptical at first, I decided to give it a try. After all, I had nothing to lose—and everything to gain.
If you’ve ever felt frustrated by rigid self-control, you’re not alone. Learn how transformation, not suppression, holds the key in The Ancient Secret That Makes Masturbation a Superpower.
4. The Shift: Discovering Sexual Energy Mastery
Embracing Virya Laabh
At first, the idea of transforming my sexual energy felt foreign, even a little intimidating. I had spent years trying to suppress it, treating it as the root of my struggles. But Guru Pashupati’s words stuck with me:
“Your desires aren’t your enemy—they’re your power. It’s not about avoiding pleasure; it’s about engaging with it in the right way.”
I decided to give his method, Virya Laabh, a chance. Instead of running from my urges, I began experimenting with retaining and redirecting my sexual energy.
My First Steps
The transition wasn’t easy. The habits of indulgence and suppression were deeply ingrained. But this time, I approached my energy with curiosity, not judgment.
- Edging Practice: I started small, practicing edging—bringing myself close to the point of ejaculation and then stopping. It taught me how to control my energy instead of letting it control me.
- Visualization: I began visualizing the energy I once wasted traveling up through my body, fueling my mind, heart, and soul.
- Mindfulness: Each session became a practice in awareness, a way to reconnect with myself without shame.
At first, the results were subtle. But within weeks, I noticed something extraordinary:
- My energy levels were higher.
- The guilt that had haunted me for years began to fade.
- My spiritual practices deepened, and I felt closer to Lord Shiva than ever before.
Key Insights from the Journey
1. Retention Doesn’t Mean Suppression
I learned that retention isn’t about denial—it’s about choice. By consciously deciding when and how to engage with my desires, I took back control of my energy.
2. Sexual Energy is Creative Energy
Through Virya Laabh, I realized that sexual energy isn’t just physical—it’s creative. When conserved and transmuted, it fuels innovation, focus, and drive.
Want to understand the science behind this transformation? Explore How Retaining Your Energy Unlocks Hidden Potential for a deeper look into how energy mastery works.
3. Pleasure is a Tool, Not a Trap
The practice also redefined pleasure for me. Instead of seeing it as a momentary indulgence, I began to treat it as a tool—a way to connect with my body, mind, and spirit.
Curious how to use pleasure as a source of growth? Read The Forgotten Art of Masturbation Without Guilt for actionable insights.
The Early Results
With each practice, I felt my life shifting. The same energy I had once lost to fleeting moments of indulgence now powered my work, relationships, and spirituality.
My focus at work improved dramatically—I could complete tasks that once felt overwhelming with ease. My physical stamina soared; I found myself cycling three times the distance I could before. And my meditations? They became profound, almost blissful.
This wasn’t just a new way to engage with sexuality—it was a new way to live.
5. The Transformation: From Addict to Powerhouse
The Life I Gained Through Mastery
It’s hard to believe that the same energy I once squandered in fleeting moments of indulgence has now become the driving force behind my success, vitality, and relationships. By mastering my sexual energy, I didn’t just overcome my struggles—I unlocked a version of myself I never thought possible.
Mental and Physical Growth
One of the first changes I noticed was my energy levels. Without the constant crashes from ejaculation, my stamina and endurance skyrocketed. My testosterone levels felt supercharged, and I could push myself further physically than ever before.
- My morning fog disappeared, replaced by sharp focus and clarity that lasted all day.
- I began cycling three times the distance I could before, with energy to spare.
- Even my workouts transformed—I wasn’t just going through the motions; I felt strong, present, and unstoppable.
Retention wasn’t just changing how I felt—it was reshaping what I could do.
Curious about how this mastery enhances productivity and focus? Dive into From Fapping to Focus: How Your Desires Can Unlock Genius to learn how you can channel your energy into greatness.
Relational Growth
Mastering my energy didn’t just affect me—it transformed how I showed up in my relationships. My wife noticed it first. She often said I seemed more present, more connected.
Retention taught me to engage with intimacy differently. It wasn’t about rushing to the finish line but about creating deeper emotional and physical bonds. For the first time, I understood what it meant to truly be there with my partner, fully immersed in the moment.
Want to explore how energy mastery can improve your love life? Check out How Masturbation Can Make You a Better Lover—If You Do It Right to deepen your connection with your partner.
Spiritual Awakening
Perhaps the most profound change was in my spiritual journey.
When I meditated, I no longer carried the guilt of my compulsions. Instead, I felt a deep sense of gratitude and power, as if the energy I once lost had become a bridge to something greater. My connection to Lord Shiva deepened.
Meditation became more than a practice—it became bliss. I could sit for hours, feeling a current of energy coursing through me, grounding me in the present while connecting me to something far beyond myself.
This wasn’t just transformation—it was liberation.
A New Purpose
Through Virya Laabh, I realized that my journey wasn’t just about reclaiming my energy. It was about sharing this gift with others.
Millions of men are stuck in the same cycle I was in, believing their desires are a weakness. But your desires aren’t the problem—they’re your superpower.
This realization inspired me to create ProFap—a system designed not to suppress your energy, but to unleash it.
Curious about how ProFap can transform your life? Explore The ProFap Revolution: Masturbate Smarter, Not Harder for the full guide to mastering your sexual energy.
6. Practical Advice for Others
Breaking Free from Porn and Reclaiming Power
If my journey resonates with you, know that transformation is possible for anyone willing to take the first step. Breaking free from porn addiction and mastering your sexual energy doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right approach, it’s entirely achievable.
Here are three practical steps to start your journey:
1. Replace Porn with Purpose
Every time you feel the urge to watch porn, pause and ask yourself: What am I really seeking? Is it comfort? Escape? Connection? Once you identify the underlying need, redirect that energy toward something meaningful:
- Dive into a workout.
- Meditate and focus on your breathing.
- Journal about what you’re feeling and why.
Want actionable strategies to break the cycle of guilt? Read The Ultimate Guide to Breaking the Porn Guilt Cycle for a deeper dive.
2. Practice Edging
Edging is a powerful tool to build control and awareness. Instead of suppressing your desires, use them to practice self-mastery:
- Engage in mindful stimulation, but stop before the point of no return.
- Breathe deeply and visualize the energy moving upward through your body.
- Focus on how you feel, not on achieving release.
Edging isn’t about teasing yourself—it’s about teaching your body that pleasure and control can coexist.
Curious about the science of non-ejaculatory practices? Explore The Surprising Science Behind Masturbation Without Ejaculation.
3. Transmute Your Energy
Sexual energy is creative energy. Instead of letting it stagnate or explode, channel it into something productive:
- Visualize the energy rising to your heart or head, fueling your passions.
- Set a goal—physical, professional, or creative—and direct your focus toward it.
- Use your retained energy to push past limits in workouts, work, or artistic pursuits.
This step transforms your desires from a source of guilt into a wellspring of growth.
Encouragement for the Journey
Remember, this isn’t about perfection. There will be days when you slip up, and that’s okay. What matters is consistency, intention, and progress.
You’re not alone in this journey. Many men have walked this path and found their way to freedom, power, and purpose.
7. The Power of Choice
Your Journey Awaits
I’ve walked this road, and I know how hard it can feel. But I also know the rewards waiting for you on the other side. Mastering your sexual energy isn’t just about breaking free from addiction—it’s about unlocking a life of clarity, connection, and limitless potential.
Your desires aren’t the problem—they’re the key.
When you stop fighting against yourself and start working with your energy, transformation becomes inevitable.
So, what will you choose? Will you continue in the cycle, or will you take the first step toward mastery?
The ProFap philosophy isn’t about denial—it’s about evolution. It’s about turning shame into strength, guilt into growth, and addiction into empowerment.
Take the leap.
Dive deeper into the transformative power of sexual energy with The ProFap Revolution: Masturbate Smarter, Not Harder.
Your transformation begins now.